A Blessing in Disguise?

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Yesterday, the United States Supreme Court ruled that DOMA is (Defense of Marriage Act) unconstitutional. As I followed my Twitter and Facebook feeds, the pro-gay activists couldn’t help but post their excitement and enthusiasm continuously throughout the day. The others, however, were silent.

More silent than I thought, in fact. Many posts were about people going on with their lives as though nothing has changed. And maybe, in a way, nothing has changed except that the Supreme Court acknowledged what most of the country has been yelling and shouting about for the last couple of months – or rather, the last several years.

Were Christians and Conservatives on my social media feeds just not surprised? Was yesterday’s decision just one more inevitable step toward an inevitable future? Or have they surrendered altogether?

Or, maybe they’re quiet because they don’t want to look like bigots, or become even more socially ostracized than they already are.

Personally, my stance on the whole subject tends to be: “We’ve accepted fornication and domestic partnership, so why not this?”

I’m not saying this is the right attitude and that we should throw in the towel on the subject. No, I’m saying we must dig our feet deeper into our faith because of the direction we’re going. I’m not going to influence the Supreme Court to change its mind. Dr. Albert Mohler isn’t going to convince the masses that their thinking and way of life is fanning the fires of Hell. John Piper isn’t going to convince the president that he is a wolf rallying and leading the lost to the slaughter. (He’s never made such a statement, so don’t quote him on that.)

In fact, here’s the hard truth we all must face: There is no moral argument that we can make against homosexuality outside the Gospel of Christ.

I confess, the question I ask myself repeatedly is this: “How can we effectively argue our case against homosexuality without bringing up Jesus?”

It doesn’t take much explaining to show someone that stealing is wrong. Why? Because it hurts others.

People generally understand that adultery is wrong. Why? Because it hurts others.

Murder? Yeah, that’s pretty bad. It hurts others.

Abortion, even, can be argued without stepping into religious realms.

Homosexuality, on the surface, doesn’t hurt anybody. It’s seen as progressive, and brings happiness and inspires parades.

Just like you can’t convince a non-Christian to stop cursing because it’s wrong, we can’t convince people that homosexuality is wrong. They’ll want to know by who’s standards.

We can’t effectively have a discussion about homosexuality without addressing who’s standards we’re living by. 

I do not agree with the Supreme Court’s ruling yesterday, but I do believe it could be a blessing in disguise. Feigning a neutral stance on the topic is less an option today than it was Tuesday night. We can no longer hide behind the safety and conventionality of an anti-gay culture. 

Here’s the blessing: When it comes up – and I assure you, it will – that you do not support gay marriage or transgender lifestyles, you can give absolutely no other reason than “because God is against it.”

You receive either a cold shoulder, a punch in the face, or an invitation to share the Gospel.

And actually, according to God, any of those is good, simply because you stood firm.

Published by Andrew Toy

Writer when I'm not being a husband or dad. So mostly just a husband and dad.

21 thoughts on “A Blessing in Disguise?

  1. Great post. I was just reading a blog post from our kids pastor and he was telling us that group discussion about this topic (esp with kids) is not effective or beneficial (in his opinion), but rather something that should be addressed individually, and with regard to their emotional maturity. In the same way, I feel that FB/Twitter, etc is an ineffective way of expressing our views on gay marriage because many times it will evoke more argument and even sometimes hatred toward the person, and not benefit or advance God’s kingdom, so I kept silent on social media and will continue to. I love the people I know that have chosen this lifestyle and pray for them everyday. I encourage them to come to church and I’m honest with them if they ask my opinion, but otherwise, I love on them the way God commanded us to, because we are all sinners and God didn’t say that one sin is worse than other, but He did say to love everyone, not just the people who make the choices we agree with.
    Thanks for the discussion!

    1. Thanks for the comment. I didn’t mention it in the post, but I tend to stay silent as well (except for this blog, of course). I don’t like provoking arguments online, as I agree it is ineffective. So perhaps the silence was a good thing, after all!

  2. Perhaps this doesn’t fit as a non-religious reason against homosexuality but, the human race has continued due to procreation, should homosexuality become a more popular lifestyle trend, we may not continue populating the earth over time. Though many will say that’s a good thing as we are over populated as it is, which may or may not be, but should homosexuality become the predominant lifestyle the human race may be at risk of suffering the risks other species suffer from being a dwindling populace.

    Do I think that will happen realistically? Not in my lifetime or even the next two generations, but who knows beyond that. Add in increased abortions for convenience and other reasons and who knows. It’s a sad time, but I can still take solace in the fact that I am still free to believe what I believe, I just have to put up with others doing things that are wrong and are denigrating the country I love. It’s still much better than most countries around the world.

      1. Everyone does have the same freedom right now. The freedom to marry someone of the opposite gender is provided to all adults in the US. America chose to hold marriage on a pedestal by providing tax credit and other benefits for many reasons. I don’t believe same sex marriage falls in line with those priorities nor do I believe those priorities should change.

        Based on your assertion, why aren’t single folks lining up expecting self marriage so they can qualify for the tax breaks married people have. Why is there even a difference in how society views married people and single people? Why are we taxed differently? I say if you change marriage to include same sex, then you might as well include self-marriage, and polygamy as well.

        There are certain benefits I believe people should have no matter their marital status. The ability to have anyone they want be their for them when they have medical issues and that shouldn’t be dependent upon marriage status at all. Financially we should be allowed to dictate who gets our money when we die and who gets to make financial decisions for us when we legally cannot. But when you are married it should be the law that the spouse has to have those responsibilities. As a single person you can choose whomever you want.

        If you address some of those issues, then you don’t need same sex marriage. Marriage is inherently religious in it’s origin and should not be changed for legal wants and needs that are also legit in my opinion.

        So what you see as wrong, I see as much more grey in some areas and not so simple as letting everyone do what they want if it makes them happy. Keep in mind the economic ramifications if we extended all financial (tax) benefits to essentially everyone in the country.

        1. When I met Husband to be 20 years ago it was a deep desire and almost primal need to be joined in marriage. at no point did either of us think weyhay! TAX BREAK! This isn’t about money, this is about love.

          1. So if you could have all of the legal benefits what do you need to be “married” for? Nobody says you can’t love whom you want? What does marriage mean for you? You don’t need marriage for love, tax breaks aren’t the driving factor, and the other legal benefits don’t have to be tied to marriage. So, define what marriage is for you.

            For me, marriage is spiritual. It represents the marriage of myself to God. It represents the trinity. It represents all that Jesus has taught us in terms relationship. My wife and I become with each other and with God. I am no longer simply me, my wife is no longer simply herself and we together are not just the two of us. We are three made one. That means we answer to each other and are reliant upon one another for all morality. To me, marriage is the closest we as humans will ever experience in this life to what God is and wants us to be. Many may call that childish, unrealistic, unintelligent, uneducated, or whatever else, but perhaps it’s because they aren’t living what I’m living. Others might say the same about my opinions about same sex marriage. Perhaps you experience something, which I’m sure you do, but that lifestyle contradicts my morals and what my definition of marriage is. I believe marriage is not a legal matter. There are legal matters that have been tied to marriage sure, but as you state, those are not the primary parts of marriage you want changed. You want the definition of marriage, my definition, changed to include everyone elses definition and I simply cannot stand idly by and say nothing. Will it happen? Yes. I’m not blind. Will it ruin my marriage? Absolutely not. But could it ruin the foundation of what marriage is? Yes. It will degrade marriage and what I and my parents have enjoyed because, just as tradition, it fades until people forget. Then marriage becomes just a piece of paper. Look at what marriage in the US already is. Perhaps it was too late to salvage the true meaning of marriage.

    1. I am not in a same sex marriage, My marriage means pretty much all yours does to you but without the god bits. It is still a spiritual experience. I believe strongly in equality and equal opportunities. I believe in human terms no one could fail to be moved by a couple in love ( straight or gay) wishing to have the commitment of marriage between them. I agree many marriages do not do well, being hetro is no guarantee of a good marriage. If I believed in a god it would be one who loved unconditionally, did not judge people for who they fell in love with, it’s not hurting anyone, live and let live.

      1. I understand, my beliefs will not make sense to those who don’t believe there is a god. Without a god or higher being, there doesn’t seem to be much need for a lot of the rules those of us in the religious community live by. For those of us who do believe there is a higher being, we believe there is a higher calling in life as well. Which is why we aren’t going to live by the live and let live mantra. It is contradictory to our belief system.

        So, in the end, in order to convince folks from my community you either have to convince me there is no god, or wait for us all to die out, which is a valid method to change a culture. That is how the US has gotten to where we are now the culture of the 1800’s is barely present anywhere, just as the culture of 2013 will not exist in 2113. That is my challenge as well, yet the momentum is definitely not in my favor.

        The live and let live cannot work for me. I see it similarly to the analogy that I see someone walk into traffic without looking. They might be ok, but I know there’s bus coming. Do I say something in hopes I can save their life, or do I just let them go on their own and say it wasn’t my place, they chose to not look, it’s not my place to help them. I’m not saying the contexts are apples to apples, but that is how I view it. I believe something is wrong, and I wouldn’t be a good person if I didn’t at least express what I feel is right. Does that mean I have to go out and protest and yell and scream and be disrespectful? No, but it also doesn’t mean I should worry about my beliefs simply being offensive because it contradicts someone else. It’s ok to tell someone else we think they are wrong. Our culture has this idea that nobody has the right to tell anyone they are wrong. That’s such a passive aggressive trait that is so counterproductive. With our society being more and more reliant on one another, we need to be allowed to disagree with civility and even passion and understand, there is still love and respect for one another but valid concerns with ideologies. It seems now the only opinion that is acceptable to express is that everyone is right, everyone can do whatever they want so long as it doesn’t hurt anybody directly but it is not ok to question that. Then you will get vigorous, if not disrespectful counter attacks. That is why I typically stay quiet. Aside from replying to this blog, not sure why I felt compelled to do so as it really doesn’t do any good except to get it off my mind.

        Anyway, sorry for the wordiness of this response. I understand if it’s not worth the time to read through it all. 😉

      1. That works for me. I do feel there are more important moral dilemma’s for me than same sex marriage, which is why I don’t typically get into it. The original post obviously sparked my interest.

  3. How about just getting on with your own life and marriage which you enjoy, marrying and being intimate with the person you fell in love with. why deny that for others? why stick your nose in others bedsheets? what’s it to you?

  4. Well. Said. And. So. True! That is a most refreshing say to look at it. It reminds me of Nancy Reagan’s now oft-quoted response to doing drugs, “Just say ‘No.'” I like how you said it, concerning homosexuality we can say, “Because God says ‘No.'”

  5. “…In fact, here’s the hard truth we all must face: There is no moral argument that we can make against homosexuality outside the Gospel of Christ.” You have spoken clearly. There is not a single reference where being gay was prohibited by Christ. Not one word. If fact, where there are words, they seem to deal with those who weren’t gay, acting like they were (or vice versa). Hypocrisy. In New Testament times, there wasn’t even a word for ‘gay’. I take no issue with anyone who has a different opinion. In fact, I rejoice in the freedom to have the conversation, there’s no need for any of this to be an argument. I respect the courage of those who’ve sounded off for publicly wrestling with what they’ve been taught.
    Being gay no more defines me than my height or skin color. I had no choice in any of those attributes. “Love one another” is not that tough. But if you happen to live in any one of the 37 states where legal recognition is purposely denied, it is.
    We are not yet, as a People, equal. Man did that.
    Thankfully, I do believe we are equal when it comes to the Love of God. Grace did that for us.
    Now the challenge is to take care of each other during the long slog to a shared and common Mountaintop. Many paths to the top and much to do to get there. Let’s be kind to each other in the process. Dan

    1. This is wonderful 🙂 I am very liberal AND get this… a Christian. lol. I have a teenage son who just came out and I am so proud and happy that we are living in a time where changes like this are being made in the laws and the minds of people to continue to make EVERYONE equal!

  6. I am adding my two cents to this discussion, I am doing it by way of a post on Facebook from our Pastor: we have created rights to women…minorities…handicapped, other religions and no one has “lost” anything because of their gaining something. To say you have no “marriage” is a sad statement on your part. I don’t think the “Church will ever sanction same sex marriage…however this is a secular issue. They are NOT forcing religions to marry people of the same sex. Some do others won’t. I will never see this in my life time. We have to look at the 1000’s of years of scientific advancement…psychology, physiology, the human psyche’, human nature, how we are created, our “gene” make up …which have made great advancements over these many years. We have a long way to go. Who knows what will happen…however you still have a sacramental marriage within the Church’s definition of Marriage… you are called to live it out..in word and deed and prayer. We grant you the right…no one is taking that from you.”

  7. People need to do what they think is best for them, and pay for their decisions later. My concern with the whole issue are the long term goals of the movement… are they out to destroy the institution of traditional marriage… water it down by replacing “husband and wife” with “partner one and partner two”? We are following in the footsteps of countries / empires that have gone before us, and in our arrogance, believe the same end will not come to us because it is 2013. I wonder what peoples in 4013 will say about our lost culture?

  8. Techchucker you said it all and more. not to mention straight people these days dont deserve the right to get married just look at how many marrriages end after young people get married because its the thing to do nowadays for attention. they have no clue what love is

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