Let’s Hear Your Ideas, Men

mensroom

I’ve recently taken up a new habit. When I find myself having nothing left to do to help out around the house, I don’t ask my wife what she’d like for me to do. Instead, I ask her, “How can I show you that I love you?”

I’ll be honest – it’s painfully hard to ask such a seemingly cheesy question, but you know what? It seems to be effective.

So men – husbands – let’s make this an open forum for us to share some of our ideas with each other on how we can best serve and love our wives. I purposefully posted this on a Friday so you can have the weekend to think about it.

This isn’t a brag tag, but rather an opportunity for us to learn from others some new and clever ways to show love to the women in our lives. And ladies, feel free to share stories of the most effective ways your husband has shown you love.

Published by Andrew Toy

Writer when I'm not being a husband or dad. So mostly just a husband and dad.

62 thoughts on “Let’s Hear Your Ideas, Men

  1. Will be trying this over the weekend.

    In the mean time, my wife loves random hugs – so pretty much when ever I pass by, hug. It also makes me appreciate her more as I think more about what she’s doing.

  2. I try to live Ephesians 5 out. “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Translation…love them even when they don’t love you back. Great post.

    1. Great reminder of loving when they don’t love back. I needed that one … even though it’s rare when my wife doesn’t seem to be showing love.

    2. This verse really sticks in my mind, both as an example for how to love my wife, but also to show me how much better Jesus is at loving – He puts up with so much from me than I have to from my wife and has so much more patience than me!

      1. I’m hunting, I’m hunting… πŸ˜„My marriage can be compared to field dressing a springbok … It’s was real messy… (thank God we passed that stage, really i am thankful!) and we are getting better at working on really loving each other and our kids … As they say here in South Africa … there are many ways to skin a buck.πŸ˜„

  3. I will be totally honest here. It’s not the ideal situation, but it’s a huge leap in the right direction. You will reach the ideal when you know what to do without asking.

    I grew up back in the dark ages and I can remember seeing my father sitting in his chair drinking beer while my mother was slaving over the dishes. The thought crossed my mind even then, “Why doesn’t he help out? Doesn’t he want her to be done so they can have more time together?” This is the essence of the whole topic.

    I was a stay-at-home dad by choice. I raised my daughter from birth until college, while my wife earned a living. I did everything from washing to cooking to shopping, to home repairs and yard work, etc etc. I gladly did this as it worked for us — giving my family more time together. I enabled my wife to do what she wanted in life and my daughter to have a happy, stable home. I would do it again a million times over. So what if we don’t have a lot of money — you can’t put a price on what we do have.

    My advice would be to not think of chores as “his” or “hers” but “OURS.” Everybody rolls up their sleeves and pitches in. Show her that you love her by always being respectful, making her life easier, spending time with her and showing and telling her that you love her.

    It does not boil down to presents. Material things do not show love. Time and attitude do. Tell your loved ones how much you love them. Give them the gift of your time. Pay attention to what they say and you will soon figure out what they need. Give them a happy and loving wife.

    That is how I feel. I hope this helps.

          1. Thank you. I was afraid I may have overstepped my boundaries and said too much – but I had to because it is so important to me. I blog about this, too.

  4. Cook dinner for her. One thing we do too is we read Christian literature together. For example, Francine Rivers books are a pretty fun read to do together. It’s a good time. πŸ™‚

    1. These are awesome! I’m a terrible cook, so it’s best if I don’t surprise her with “dinner.” And we do read together, or rather, I read to her and she loves it – just not when I do the funny voices. πŸ™‚

  5. Geez brother, that one is AWESOME! I’m taking it.

    First, you’re right – cheese works. The dopier I think I sound, the happier my wife is. Second, I spread the cheese thin. Every once in a while, I lay it on thick with a good one-liner and then spread it out… Too much cheese causes trouble, a good dose spread thin goes much further. My wife has a tendency to get used to corny on-liners if I use them too often, it becomes the norm and loses its meaning. If I give her the shock-and-awe treatment it holds its meaning and means more to her. Great post!

  6. As you are about to be a new parent, may I make a suggestion. After everything comes through and you get the boy home, wait a while and then give your wife a spa day or some other kind of alone time. Children are wonderful beyond words but they can be exhausting. Take the boy and go to the zoo or a museum and give the little woman a day to herself. THEY LOVE THIS. Serious brownie points πŸ™‚

  7. I am getting this feeling that more women would comment here than men. Haha.

    I love my wife, but there are more things I can do and I’m still working on it. As a man, I don’t have the habit of saying how I love my wife, but just being committed, is perhaps the best life-gift I can give to her.

  8. Thanks for this wonderful, loving reflection. I especially love your use of the term “serve” in reference to loving your wife. That word has been a mantra around our house ever since we read Tim Keller’s book, “The Meaning of Marriage.” It’s life changing. Anyway, onto your question. It occurs to me that in marriage, as in service outside of marriage, the most important events are small, simple. An earlier response eluded to that when the referred to spreading the cheese “on thin.” I love that! And I love that the most moving stories of love in the Bible involve small efforts of love and service. I think our marriages should be the same.

  9. I try to find things I can help with that she does so willingly that involves taking care of me….gives me a new perspective of what she does to take care of me!

    1. And somehow, it’s not as bad as doing it after simply asking, “Is there anything I can do?”, right? This way, cleaning the windows and taking out the trash is putting legs to your love. The work and the outcome somehow are more fulfilling and meaningful, right?

      1. Well yes, everyone is all of them. Some are just more predominant than others. They are like tanks and some empty faster than others. That’s what i have found. My parents and brother are all predominantly quality time and i am not. I am predominantly acts of service and words of affirmation. So i would go around doing the washing and the wash up and my Mum would say to me that i didn’t love her because i never spent any time with her (which killed me because I’m words of affirmation!) and i was like, but i do love you! I am doing all this stuff for you because i love you! Now i just spend time with her and don’t do anything and she is overwhelmed by how much she feels loved!

  10. To me, it’s all about meeting in the middle. My husband and I have been together for ten years now. When I go out to the garden, he comes out to his shed. When he starts playing a new game, I set aside time so we can make new characters together. We don’t do much cuddling, we’re not fans of PDA, but there is no doubt in my mind how much he loves me.

    1. Love this! This is something I struggle with. I expect my wife to appreciate all my books and movies and writing, and she does! But making me go shopping or gardening has been like dragging a child out of bed on Monday morning. Thanks for sharing your husband as an example for me to follow.

      1. If you really don’t like shopping or gardening, there’s always a trade-off, such as “While you’re out shopping, I’ll get the dishes/laundry/whatever done for you.” You could get whatever you opt for done at a leisurely pace, and she gets to come home to something nice. πŸ™‚

  11. this would solve most problems, i think…bc it shows the other person everthing they are needing, and by just merely asking, it is fulfilling the need already. and it doesnt assume, which is perfect. love this, thanks for inspiring men, and women to do this.

  12. When my wife says she likes something, even in passing, I write it down on a gift-idea list. She’s often surprised because she doesn’t remember mentioning things.

  13. The last one home is the hugger. No matter what mood either is in we know as soon as we see each other now, we STOP what we are doing and hug….I look forward to that hug, no matter what….even if I don’t want it sometimes…

  14. Got to this site by accident and guilt feelings that I did not read blogs other than my own.I am not sure (aged 80) that I know what love is, in the sense you are talking about it. Are you all sure you are not living in a fantasy world? Surely love is what you do – not what you say.

  15. About a month ago it occurred to me that most of us feel unlovable and unacceptable in some way. My wife (generally) feels unlovely and unaccepted. I was actually praying for her at the time, that God would help her see how loved and accepted she is, when it occurred to me that it is part of my job as a husband to affirm her as she needs it. God answered my prayer by showing me my responsibility. Since then, each day, I make it a point to affirm that my wife is beautiful and that I love her. (Craziest thing! She began to perk up almost immediately, becoming more attractive and more thoughtful as an unexpected result.)

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