Approval

 

approved_red_stampWell, it’s been nine months since we attended the foster to adopt classes here in Kentucky. We hit a little snag a couple of months ago, which you can read about here.

Things do seem to be looking up in the Toy household, though. Pixie is recovering nicely from her surgery, and began walking almost immediately (mostly because nothing will stop her from getting to Sarabeth). It’s the next 7 1/2 weeks of recovery (A.K.A. crate confinement) which will be difficult, especially when her little sister Prim is allowed to frolic free around the loft.

And the better news is that we got an email from our case-worker saying that all of our paperwork has been approved and we are finally approved by the state of Kentucky to be foster to adopt parents. Whew!

Nine months.

Like a pregnancy without all the morning sickness and hot flashes (or is that just with menopause?).

So what does that mean, now that we’re approved? Well, it means that we could get a call from the state at any minute, being today or sometime next summer – who knows – and they’ll say, “We’ve got a two-year-old boy here who’s dad is missing and his mom is in rehab…” or “We have a brother and sister here, both under three-years-old who need a home…”

They’ll tell us the situation and any problems that are on record for the kids and ask if we are interested in taking them in.

Before we agree to picking them up, we will ask if they are eligible for possibly being adopted.

By accepting a placement, no matter what the answer to that question may be, we knowingly run the risk of that child being placed back with his or her parents or a relative stepping into the picture to take them in.

But some kids aren’t eligible for adoption for varying reasons. We want to take a child in with the hope that he or she could be ours forever.

So who knows what the future holds for us.

Personally, I’m terrified, as I’ve never had a child before. And it’s not like there’s a due-date. I won’t have six-to-eight hours of labor to let it sink in that I’m having a baby. I won’t get to hand out cigars in the lobby (thankfully this isn’t a 1950s movie, either).

We don’t want to buy toys for Christmas because we don’t know if we’ll have a child with us that morning or not. We don’t know if we need to reserve an extra seat or two at our Thanksgiving table. We don’t even know if we can go see Catching Fire next week because we wouldn’t dare take a two-year-old to such a loud and violent movie.

All we know is that everything is up in the air. And everything is unsure.

But nothing is undecided.

We take comfort in the fact that God knows the exact kid (or kids) that will be placed with us, and when. He knows their temperaments, and He knows ours. He knows whether they’ll be with us for a few months, a couple of years, or forever. He already knows the outcome of the court proceedings that are likely to follow.

We don’t; but He does. And I’m fine with that.

All we can do is have the house ready, warm, and welcoming for whoever we may bring through the door at any hour.

Published by Andrew Toy

Writer when I'm not being a husband or dad. So mostly just a husband and dad.

95 thoughts on “Approval

    1. wishing you the best. attachment is a huge issue, even for newborn adoptees. I hope Ky hs counseling support for your future child. It is a long and not typical developmentally road. Been there, done that, not sorry and being eyes open and prepared is key.

      1. I know a 19 year old adopted boy who, whenever his mom gets really mad at him, hears “you never wanted to belong to this family” from her. Needless to say, he has his problems. He was adopted at age 3. Nothing is simple in this world, but truly, the starting point is having wholehearted acceptance from the parents’ side.

  1. Congrats. As someone that grew up with foster kids all around us (my mom and dad took them in for 40 years) I can say that it’s worth it. I still have some contact with the ones that my parents fostered and we still call them brother and sister. You’ll be great parents and I look forward to reading the stories that you share about it.

  2. Congratulations!! That’s awesome. And part of being a parent is not knowing anything about tomorrow or next week. You parent on a day to day basis according to the situation. There are no guarantees anymore of anything, whether you are even going to any Thanksgiving Dinner cuz that little bundle of joy could be sick or tired or cranky or maybe you will be sick or tired or cranky. 🙂 Day to day. So you are already living it to some degree. Super excited for you!!!

  3. Welcome to the roller coaster! We always swore that we would not foster children because we didn’t think we would be able to return children to a home environment that was less than desirable, but then in 2004 we agreed to foster a 3 year old girl even though parental rights had not yet been terminated (the state of Alabama was planning to do so, but it hadn’t happened yet.) We went from no child in the second week of November to a daughter by December 1, 2004. Our story has happy, ongoing ending – our adoption of Kayla was final December 15, 2005 and she turned twelve a week or two ago. There were so many miracles along the way to the adoption that I know without a shadow of doubt that God’s plan was for us to adopt her. That didn’t mean I wasn’t very frightened between December 1, 2004 and early May, 2005 when the parental rights were terminated. Hang in there!

  4. Congratulations! Now, it is the waiting game. A dear friend of mine has adopted two children from birth mothers, taking them home from the hospital as newborns. While she was waiting to find someone, she was, understandingly, nervous and anxious if it would ever happen. I told her, “The child meant for you, through God, is waiting in the wings to make his or her entrance.” I say the same to you. God is running the show.

  5. Congratulations! We just finished up adopting our second from our stint at their foster parents here in KY! Yea for more foster parents! Just take it a day at a time, and a breath at a time, and as long as you have great support, the unexpected, unscheduled, and non-stop adventure of it all could lead you to God’s greatest blessings!

  6. My husband and I are in the sane boat only we’re some months behind you in the process. It is amazing how very similar our anxiety and outlook is! Congratulations to you both and let the phone ring!!!

  7. Just read this. You’re already an amazing parent, I know because of the way you talk about being so open to children in despair. Way to be parent-to-be!! And yes, thankfully this isn’t the 1950s! Best of luck to you and yours. (And Pixie)

  8. I just stumbled across your blog today, and I want to say that I’m looking forward to seeing what life has in store for you! I wish you all the best with your foster situation and with adopting! Being a parent is the most amazing thing in the world. You’ll learn to love like you have never loved before. 🙂

    Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

  9. I would choose you and Sarabeth. My brother and his wife did the foster to adopt in Utah. Adopted a girl and later a boy. They had two other boys of their own prior to this. Such a tremendous blessing. All the best. Adoption is a miracle…..I know, I was on the giving end.

  10. Yay! I hope you both celebrated good! Because, you’re already living the day-to-day surprises of parenthood with unplanned surgeries and very long recoveries as well as complete routine changes 🙂 You’re going to do wonderfully. But don’t put your life on hold, waiting for that call. Do as much as you can as a sole couple now. Make plans for the coming weeks, worry about additional Christmas presents when it comes, go see Catching Fire. Should a call come and those plans have to get cancelled, well, I don’t think you’ll mind 🙂

  11. Wonderful news – and what a gift of love you are ready to give this child. I also pray that God continue to bless you as you await that most important call and I know He will put the perfect child in your home.

  12. Man, what great news! Looking forward to hearing about who the Lord brings into your family. A guy who attended a class of mine yesterday has just recently completed an adoption here in SC. He and his wife are now the proud first time parents of a 3 month old little girl. He said he can hardly wait to get home in the evenings to spend time with her – I bet you’ll be the same way! Congratulations!

  13. Congratulations…you passed! That’s pretty exciting news, even if it does come with a lot of “unknowns”. It sounds like whom ever ends up at your door will be loved and cared for regardless of the uncertainties.

    Things are looking up.

    Where can I get some pumkin ice cream action?

  14. Thank you for visiting my blog and following me. I am a new blogger and I am always thrilled when I could add one more friend to my blog. I have a lot to share and want the whole world to share with me.

    I always check out new friends and while I was scanning your blog I immediately knew I wanted to follow you as well. There are many reasons for my decision, one mostly because my mother’s name was SarahBeth also. I immediately felt a connection I cannot quite explain.

    Your blog is ver interesting and certainly related to me for many reasons. I am getting ready to publish my first book with Tate Publushers, hopefully later on this year.

    Looking forward to receiving your blog posts .

    Best wishes to you!!! Judy

  15. A long time ago you visited my blog rebelpreacher.wordpress.com and commented about our adoption story. You mentioned doing a guest post for your blog. Well, I’m sure its obvious I haven’t logged in to wordpress in a very long time. I became very frustrated with the group we adopted through and continued to assist in Liberia! In my frustration, I walked away from my blog.

    I’ve recently received several messages on FB and emails from people asking me to dust of the blog and get back after it. Well, I spent a few days trying to get my log in info, as I let several domains expire and the email tied to the blog was attached to an old domain. Anyway, I broke in and I’m stumbling around dusting off the blog. I’m going to do some housekeeping and hope to slowly bring the world up to speed on our adoption. Should the invitation to guest post remain, I’ll take you up on it soon. If not, no big deal!

    I’m gonna take some time and look around your place! Blessings, B

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