She’s Not a James, But…


I’ve been married for five years, and I just fell in love again.

You’re probably aware that Sarabeth and I have been in the process of becoming foster-to-adopt parents.

We’ve been longing for a child all these years.

Well, we finally got a call last week for a little girl born a month-and-a-half early.

So through a whirlwind of confusion and excitement, we’ve been at the hospital visiting with our beautiful, gorgeous, foster daughter whom I’ll call “A” for privacy reasons.

Seriously, for the first time ever I understand what the big deal is about babies.

I mean, I’ve always been pro-life and have understood the value of a baby’s life, but loving a baby?

Yeah. That’s a new one for me.

Now, we fully understand that, as foster-to-adopt parents, we may not be able to keep her—that there’s only a chance that our time together will end in adoption and little “A” becomes “A. Toy.”

It’s a fear and a faith we’ve never known. But more on that in later posts.

She’s not home with us yet. She’s still at the hospital, but we’ve got everything ready for her big arrival day later this week.

In the meantimes, I’ve learned a few things this weekend as a foster dad:

How to change diapers.

How to swaddle.

That I chose the best wife to be the best mother.

That out of respect for little “A,” I’ll always keep my nose hairs trimmed (not that that’s been a problem).

And my tears aren’t like a Phoenix; they can’t heal my little girl’s tummy cramps, or make her sleep. (I know, I know, let the ultra-cheesiness begin.)

Oh, and I learned one more thing.

While I had given up on God waiting for a child all this time, He was busy giving A. life, forming her, shaping her, caring for her.

So even while I was angry at God for “holding out” on us, He still came through. And now, I don’t want any other baby in the universe but her. Even if she does cry and fuss all night long.

Published by Andrew Toy

Writer when I'm not being a husband or dad. So mostly just a husband and dad.

142 thoughts on “She’s Not a James, But…

  1. What a great thing to see when I first woke up on a Monday morning- this is a great reminder to us all that God is always at work whether we perceive it or not. He always has a plan and His plan is always Good. Congrats on little A- can’t wait to hear when you all bring her home : ) I’ll be praying!


  2. We have done this journey in Alabama, although our foster to adopt little girl was 3. We had decided not to foster because we were concerned that we would be destroyed if we fostered a child and had to give her or him back to the foster parents. I know the joy and fear that you feel, and all I can tell you is hold on for the journey; it’s going to be awesome! I will pray for your family and for you to get to keep Baby A. Fortunately, we did get to keep our daughter, who is now 12 and in sixth grade.

    One final twist to our story is that when we were getting ready to adopt through the state, we were continually told that we could expect that we would have a child no younger than 6 or so, so when we ended up with a 3 year old it was quite a surprise!

    I can remember being angry, too, especially when I read about tragedies such as the woman who had postpartum depression who drowned all four or five of her precious young boys in the bathtub. I couldn’t understand why we were denied children when people like her were allowed to have them. Coming out on the other end of that struggle, I have to tell you that if we had gone to a factory and designed the child best for my husband and I, we couldn’t have done any better than the daughter God gave us.

    Congratulations, and God bless all three of you!



    1. This has got to be one of the best comments I’ve read on my blog. Thank you so much for sharing this, and I understand about the anger, and yeah, we’re definitely fearful/hopeful of the outcome. Not knowing is going to be so hard, but we love her enough to risk it (not like we can go back, now, and actually, wouldn’t for all the money ever). Thank you for sharing this 🙂 What encouragement!


  3. Congratulations! This is such a scary and exciting time for you and your family. I wish you all the best and I hope and pray you receive the outcome you most want in the future.

    My husband and I had said, since the beginning of our relationship, that we wanted to be Foster Parents. We wanted to give a loving and safe home to kids who needed it. But after becoming a daycare provider we saw how attached we got to the kids that came through our home and how much we missed them when they moved on. We knew that our hearts just weren’t strong enough to deal with loosing a child we saw as our own.

    So I commend you and your wife, along with all other foster parents for having the strength understanding and patience to do that.


  4. absolutely adore this post. It is so hard when our expectations are unmet but i LOVE that you are willing to put this all in God’s hands.. and what love that little girl is receiving 🙂 truly beautiful!


  5. Temporary or not, I’m so happy that you get to experience the joys of parenthood. Blessings to you both and to Baby A as she grows in health. She will always feel loved in your home. Thank you for sharing your good news!


  6. That is wonderful news! God bless you and you wife for being willing to step in and parents this dear one. No matter what the future holds, He holds the future for all three of you–and He loves you all so very much!


  7. Praying that our God and Father, who is able to provide far beyond what ask or even wish for, will strengthen your hearts and fulfill this dream. I pray that the best will happen, for all of you and that, each step along the way, until little A is officially yours, you will recognize and hold on to the blessings, dirty diapers, sleepless nights, first smiles/steps/words and all. Congratulations.


  8. My heart feels so full of love for you and your family! CONGRATULATIONS. Isn’t it amazing how we think we know the perfect timing for things in our life…but ultimately. …God knows best! Thanks for following me…I really appreciate it! Blessitude – Lorrie


  9. Congratulations!! And, she certainly could be a James 🙂 I have a niece named Charlie. Much happiness to you and yours. God Bless You.


  10. Congratulations to you and your wife and welcome to the world Baby A!!!! What a wonderful blessing from the Lord. I pray for much happiness for you all and that you are able to adopt her so she will be with you forever. Praise the Lord!


  11. Congrats 🙂 I’m happy for you … My husband and I are just beginning the legal proceedings to get the paper that will give us the right to adopt in France. We will wait at least till the end of this year to get it.


  12. Congratulations! Honestly, as a mother of 5 children, I do know the feeling of love at first sight with a baby. What struck me was the bravery that you and your wife have, moving forward into the unknown. Giving your love and hearts fully to baby who surely deserves it- but without knowing how long the relationship will last. Truly though, no parent really knows what lays ahead, how long we will have with out babies, for what purpose God puts them into our lives. Your post reminded me of that. So thank you! I wish you and your family all the best- and prayers for a peaceful outcome!


  13. I remember once…years ago laying in my floor crying….had just broken up with my boyfriend…anyways…I was crying and asking God could I just know what love was once in my life….well I had been told I could not have children….but so strange that He showed me that love I asked for….not in the form of a man as I had thought….but I was blessed….I got pregnant not long after that crying fit and the love I prayed for came in the form of a little blonde with blue eyes….she is 10 now and I thank God every day for showing me what real love really is….

    I am so happy for you guys that you will experience such a love also…it will change your life forever and your heart will grow in ways you never knew….how exciting…what a blessing….congratulations



  14. Congratulations! I will be praying for you both to serve an important role in this sweet girls life, for however long God gives her to you. This is wonderful time, enjoy it! Happy Valentines Day to you all 🙂


  15. Thanks for the follow on Endtime Chaverim, and I know a few people who are in your situation, who foster, adopt or foster to adopt. It seems like a challenging yet rewarding path to those who are gifted in this manner.


  16. I’m new to the world of blogging and I’m so excited to be following yours as of today! 🙂 Thanks for taking the time out of your own busy schedule to follow mine. I’m excited for where my story will take me and I hope that the blog will help inspire other people. I can’t wait to read your book, but I’m most excited for your foster-to-adopt journey as me and my family have been on that road in recent years. It is heartbreaking and joyous all at the same time. Blessings to you and your wife as you embark on the path of loving like crazy!


  17. Just found your blog and this is such fabulous news!! Congratulations! My husband and I are in the process of pursuing a domestic adoption and we’re matched with a baby girl due Dec 15. We’re so excited! I look forward to watching your story unfold. Blessings!


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