Why You Should be Glad When You Have No Reason to Be

photo-119We’ve been extremely fortunate in our foster-to-adopt situation with Baby A.

More fortunate than most people.

In a few weeks the State will change Baby A’s permanency goal from reunification with her birth parents to adoption.

We’re hoping Baby A will officially be a Toy by Christmas, which is feasible as long as there are no surprises.

We also just found ourselves in a situation where we are ready to take in another baby if the State calls us. So we’re looking forward to an addition to our family of five (two dogs) in the next couple of months.

Right now, things can’t seem to get much better, but we recognize that things could change in a heartbeat, so we live with that reminder and walk cautiously, yet graciously.

We owe our happiness to God, for He has graciously provided us with Baby A after years of praying, waiting, crying, and longing for her. The wait was worth it.

I was not a good Christian during that waiting period. I grew resentful toward God, and even hated Him for not giving us a child when I wanted. But looking back, I can see that the timing was absolutely perfect.

I just wish that while we were waiting for a child that I had acted better. I wish I had prayed more and taken the opportunity to grow in my relationship with God.

So, if you’re in a waiting period, or things are difficult, or you’re at your wit’s end, or life just seems to be falling apart around you, I can’t promise that it will get better, but the odds are definitely in your favor.

Just don’t wait for things to get better and then praise God for what He’s done, because then you’ll end up like me and feel like a hypocrite (or something… I haven’t quite figured it out yet), and you’ll feel a little out of place when you do thank God for the turnaround in your life circumstances.

So even in your mourning and your crying and your despair, God is to be praised, so that when things do look up for you, you can confidently point to Him and say, “It’s because of Him that this happened,” and not feel so out of place.

Published by Andrew Toy

Writer when I'm not being a husband or dad. So mostly just a husband and dad.

45 thoughts on “Why You Should be Glad When You Have No Reason to Be

  1. Alhamdulilah that you are being blessed with a little one. Insha’Allah you will have to trouble with the ending process. God forgives us, he is merciful and gracious, now just forgive yourself if you truly feel that bad. In our troubles we act as small children and sometimes let our frustration cloud our better judgement. In the end God is carrying us through our pain and troubles, he understands.
    My husband and I are thinking of fostering children too since it seems that we cannot have any children. Any help suggestions?


  2. we all have regrets of our behavior or thoughts at least… part of growing is learning… real knowledge illuminates in us the way and there is a peace that comes after sharing of transgression that allows freedom to grow in serenity and inner peace. With new spiritual growth then is true personal freedom of choice and isn’t it wonderful then to feel the presence of God’s grace and to be at peace as a channel for His divinity.
    Blessings are divine and being a blessing is the way of spirit.
    We do our best and come to know that each other person must be in their own way doing their own best too when they awaken to God’s grace and accept this as the light of personal freedom.
    ~ Eric


  3. I would have to agree… If you are Christian, than you know God is all forgiving. This was a lesson. And whether or not you passed, I’m not sure, but you learned so much from it, did you not? Congratulations on this beautiful baby girl. I will pray for you all, but I know in my heart that things work out the way they’re supposed to, and since God led you to her, I don’t think he’ll have her taken away. The doctors told me early on that I wasn’t able to have children. Well, God gave me my son. 12 years ago, he enabled me to become pregnant, with which turned out to be a healthy pregnancy, stumping everyone. I’ve tried several times after (fertility drugs, and other measures) but it was in God’s plan that I only have one. So, I have an 11 year old, who is the light of my life. God has already forgiven you. YOU need to understand why you were feeling that way, learn from it, and forgive yourself.


  4. I felt exactly the same way as you did before our daughter came to us in 2004. I can remember crying a few months before we learned that we would be getting her because I learned that a good friend was pregnant. (Thankfully, I didn’t do it while I was on the phone with her and her husband.) I also remember being very angry when I heard on the news that a mother in Texas had drowned all four or five of her beautiful boys because she was depressed. I couldn’t understand why God would let someone like her have children that I would have taken such good care of. I don’t think you have any reason at all to feel guilty. God takes each step in our lives to teach us something; next time you are in a “waiting” pattern, you will be able to use this experience to deepen your faith.

    And, like you, once Kayla came into our lives, we absolutely understood the reasons he had us wait – so that we could receive the perfect child for us!

    Take heart and don’t beat yourself up too much.



    1. Those news stories of parents killing their kids were (and still are) the worst! Especially when you just want one of your own.


  5. such a timely piece for me to read today. I will continue to pray for the adoption and I will continue to pray for the Lord to bless and prosper your home. Thank you for your words, I needed to read them this morning. DAF


  6. Great post. I’m reminded of the third chapter in the book of Habakkuk:

    16 I heard and my heart pounded,
    my lips quivered at the sound;
    decay crept into my bones,
    and my legs trembled.
    Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity
    to come on the nation invading us.
    17 Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
    though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
    though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,
    18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.
    19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
    he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
    he enables me to tread on the heights.

    It’s very encouraging to see your hope being made evident in faith through acts of love.


  7. Thanks for the post. It is a good reminder that we shouldn’t always be waiting for some extraordinary moment or experience in order to be grateful. Our hypocrisy can, to some degree, be instructive as much as it is convicting. It is grace when God reveals that to us.


  8. Wow! Beautiful right, there is always a reason to be thankful. May God help you with that. I am new to blogging but the people are meet in this world re amazing and inspiring. ”Inspire to be Inspired” I’m glad i got to meet somebody with such views and beliefs, thanks for following me and i hope to see more of you. In shaa Allah.


  9. WOW. “Don’t wait for things to get better and then praise God for what He’s done…. even in your mourning and your crying and your despair, God is to be praised.”
    How true that is. How difficult… yet how true! Thank you for writing! keep it up!


  10. Reblogged this on Consuming Fire and commented:
    This is a wonderful reminder: “Don’t wait for things to get better and then praise God for what He’s done…. even in your mourning and your crying and your despair, God is to be praised.”


  11. Great advice, Andrew. While our experience with fostering is completely different from yours, there is a common thread in the uncertainties, heartbreaks, and joys that accompany it! God be with you on your journey. 🙂


  12. Forgiveness is yours, my friend. Bought and paid for a long time ago. But when there’s no physical person to look you in the eye and say “I forgive you” it can be hard. Although some people might say the arrival of Baby A is your proof.


  13. Interesting that I happen to be passing through some incredibly stressful times right now and reading your post about making it through the “waiting period” was a very good reminder for me. Thank you and thank you for your faith-filled posts!


  14. My Dear Andrew, as can be imagined, being my age and all that, I have not only struggled from the ‘Silence’ of God, but also with the Problem of Evil. I am Thankful that the Lord has been Gracious enough to Bless me All through these. I have come to realize the Truth of Ps: 23:6, viz:- ‘Surely, Only Goodness and Kindness, Shall follow me, All the days of my life.’ Even when God seems Silent, He is Working, For Us! …I have just put what You said, in different words! Praised be the Lord.

    By the way, when are You going to give a name to Baby A?


  15. First of all, as a former foster care worker, I appreciate all that you are going through. God bless you and amen to that sweet little girl being a Toy by Christmas (delightful word play). I don’t know if we ever become perfect Christians, but with practice I expect we’ll flail less and perhaps, one day, take from His hand with no regrets.


  16. Elated for you that your prayers were answered and in God’s timing. Beautiful! Don’t get too down on yourself because the great thing about is He Graced you. There’s nothing like his grace. Happy parenting!


  17. How gracious he is towards us when we muck up! I’m so pleased that your waiting has paid off and even if you feel you coulda done it better, God understands. Waiting is so hard! We are reminded to ‘look at the unseen’ and to stop focussing so heavily on present circumstances, but it is easier said than done. Ive found that reading God’s promises out aloud helps a great deal because ‘faith comes by hearing’ ourselves speak the creative power of God’s living word.
    But i remember a time i was stuck in an awful job and after the taxi dropped me home at midnight, i discovered the guy in the downstairs apartment had changed the locks while id been at work! I lived 45 miles away from the nearest relative/friend and it was a freezing cold January night. I sat out on the doorstep for two hours wondering how i was going to die – by being attacked ( it was a notoriously bad area) or freezing to death. In those moments, i didnt call upon the word of the Lord, but just felt sorry for myself as i shivered and shuffled around on my numb bottom. When my neigbour eventually arrived home, and handed me the spare keys, i felt so bad that i had distrusted God in those moments of ‘isolation’. I so wished i could have been more faithful and wished that i had sang like a mad woman, instead of crying in the cold.
    Nothing’s going to stop this sweet baby from being yours for good. Keep proclaiming it, especially that verse about it being God’s will for your wife to be the ‘happy mother of children’ and you having your quiver full of kids around your table.


  18. Whether its God, or in my case- Gods, the fact remains there is a very good reason why your prayers weren’t answered immediately: your little one wasn’t even born yet!
    When you prayed, events had to unfold in order for Baby A to come to be. And that’s what I’ve found life to be like: if we want something, we put the intention out there, then we make steps for allowing/making them happen. Sitting there waiting for something to occur makes for nothing. Sitting there after doing everything you possibly can to make something happen is waiting for the results. Peace!


    1. “Wasn’t even born yet” – exactly! 🙂 I think of that all the time. I wouldn’t want anyone else 🙂 Well… I would, but you know what I mean.


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