Why I Don’t Watch Football

girl-watching-footballI’m as man as a man can get, except in one glaringly obvious way.

I’m a man in the sense that

* I think better of my looks than I ought

* I have a desire to go hunting

* I can’t stand rom-coms unless they star Tom Hanks or Adam Sandler

* I have to shave on a daily basis to not look too much like George Clooney (refer to the first bullet point)puppy1

* I think what I have to say is the most important thing ever and I hardly listen to other people

* I’m still learning to master my table manners (or am I?)

* I drink milk out of the carton when no one’s looking

*I’m incredibly hot when I cuddle my puppies


So now that I’ve established my masculinity, I am free to admit something that not many of my co-gender can admit:

I hate football. (GASP!!)

Relax, people. I’m not part of a terrorist origination (though I’m sure that would be more acceptable to some people).

It’s not just because I wasn’t the most athletic growing up (I played a lot of street hockey and basketball, however). It’s not because I never scored a touchdown while the cheerleaders screamed my name from the sidelines.

Whenever I see a game on, I just keep thinking, “What’s the point?” I simply don’t get team spirit. The Patriots vs. the Raiders, whatever. People think that just because they’re from a certain state or town they’re football team is automatically the best in the country. I mean, if you’re from Detroit, are you really going to claim that the Lions are the best NFL team to root for?

I don’t know. I really just don’t get dedicating half my weekend to watching a bunch of overpaid baboons jumping all over each other fighting for a misshaped ball. I just don’t care about catching up on the scores while I’m at work, because honestly, that doesn’t make me any more money than my job does. And really, does nothing for me beneficial whatsoever.

rugbyfootballI mean, football players are the biggest wimps on the planet, if you think about it. They get paid billions of dollars to play a little boy’s game for a profession. And then they cry bloody foul over every little injury – I mean, they have pads and helmets, people. They’re protected from head to toe. They twist a knee – don’t feel too bad for them when they’re sobbing on the field to get attention. They’ve got the insurance to take care of it. And private nurses to nurse them to health.

You know who actually earns their pay? Rugby players. That’s a game I can get into because there’s real violence, lots of risk, and no body protection. Those guys are awesome. Definitely a stupid profession, but they earn my respect much much more than football players. (And yes, I know the picture to the right depicts a soccer player, but it’s the same idea.)

And I don’t get people that spend a lot of time watching football. Do they feel more manly, like they’re living up to a cultural expectation? Honestly, get me a group of guys who’d actually want to play football (without the mama helmets and baby pads, of course), and I’m all in. Let’s go. Bring it on! That’s where the real action is at.

Plus, when did football become America’s pastime?  Personally I think it’s only because of all the beer sponsorships and half-naked cheerleaders that propelled it to its current status.

I’m glad to say baseball is too classy for all that. So wake me up when it’s spring.

Published by Andrew Toy

Writer when I'm not being a husband or dad. So mostly just a husband and dad.

60 thoughts on “Why I Don’t Watch Football

  1. Oh, I beg to differ. I’ve seen many a baseball whiner/crybaby, too. Unless I’m physically AT a baseball game, it’s long, drawn out nature (and all the performance enhancing everything that everyone lies about just to get the slightest edge) of the game bores me to tears. Give me a contact sport any day. Of course, I used to love to play as a child, too.

  2. I’m not really into any sports. Though I’d prefer to watch women play then men, in any sport, if I’m going to watch a sport. Normally though, I try to stay away from them.

  3. AMEN! I am not a manly man because I am not a man, but I am a Southerner, which makes me an outcast in these parts for not being excited about game day. (Personally, I find game days a great time to go shopping. No crowds.) Like you, I think football is boring. I’d rather do other things, like pick the lint out of my belly button. But I confess that — and I realize this is a real wet blanket to throw on football lovers — football just bothers my conscience. I don’t want to cheer on potential head injuries or paralysis so that our team wins the game! Kind of like I don’t want to watch bear fights. It just strikes me as a rather vulgar and inhumane sport for profit. Admitting you don’t like football can be a rather scary public admission. Good for you — consider me on your team!

  4. I find this post to be a level of awesome I don’t even have words for! I LOVE football for many reasons, none of which you addressed in this post. Actually, my reasons are more sentimental these days. Even as a huge football fan, I can admit you make some very good points. And don’t even get me started on their outrageously high salaries. Anyhow, I just wanted to say I enjoyed your honesty. An ideal (ie..all men should love sports) isn’t valid just because it is accepted by the majority. Thanks for sharing. Have a blessed week.

    1. Thanks for your comment. I wondered how football fans would react to this post. Be glad that you gave your guys a good name 🙂

        1. That’s funny, bc if it weren’t for me, my wife would watch a lot more football herself. Guess we don’t all fit the stereotypes.

  5. I’m not into sports at all. When I see people around me getting excited about their team, I envy them because they seem to have a passion but I can’t relate to them, because I’m completely indifferent to sports.

    The funny thing is that we get phone calls by sales people trying to convince us to get this or that package on TV: their main selling point is that we will have sports channels. When my wife answers the phone, they are pretty OK with her polite refusal. When I answer and tell them we are not interested because we don’t watch sports, the sales’ person is kind of shocked and double checks that I don’t really watch sports. I feel a bit awkward answering them, but in the end, I have decided that they won’t make me feel bad about who I am. 🙂

    1. I have felt that sense of envy before, but then, I get overly excited about things that are completely lost on others, so I think it balances out in the end.

    1. RIGHT! That’s a huge one for me, but I didn’t put that in the post for some reason. Drives me completely in sane, lol.

  6. I’m with this guy…. I’m not sure how watching other people get paid to possibly get injured on tv makes “you” a part of “the team” (I don’t care which football we’re talking about, either!)

      1. I don’t know… They’re a British comedians with a lot of comedy sketches on online- “That Mitchell and Webb Look.” I have a hard time picking my favorite, but this one and the “Grammar Nazi” are definitely top contenders!

  7. I love football! Both college and pro. The fascination with the game is two-fold. First, the way the team as a whole is used to match itself up against the other team is much more complicated like a game of chess – one side is angling for a particular strategy to win out, while the other is working to counter it. It takes all of the men on the field to accomplish that. Second, to win a championship, the whole team has to mesh and completely devote themselves to a single common goal that involves a lot of hard, painful work. The stars do get paid a lot, but the revenue they generate justifies it. In a perfect world, of course, teachers and firemen and policemen would get those kind of salaries, but it is not the football players fault that the salaries are the way they are.

    1. I have to admit, that that’s the one thing football has up on baseball. The teamship. Baseball is much more about the individual players, football requires a team to be victorious.

  8. I only love watching my favorite teams play football… Greenbay Packers and Wisconsin Badgers. Other than that football is boring, lol! My daughter is a football cheerleader and I never pay attention to the game or know what the final scores are and I’m on the field with her as a team mom, lol!

  9. Ever since this years world cup you have to add biting to the risks a professional soccer player has to face… it is a bloody tough sport, you know. You might get kicked, you might get pushed, you might get a ball you know where… and now you might also get bitten. So I see why they have to be paid so much money! I mean look at all those high risks!!! Just kidding… I think they should add a category to the Oscars: “And the Oscar in the category best actor in soccer goes to…”

  10. Good article although I will beg to differ on one point. I was born in Manchester (England). I cheer for the Manchester United Football Club because they are the best football club in the world and I am so devoted I had their crest tattooed on my shoulder. I do not watch games however – because when I do they seem to lose! So I just check out the stats after the fact ! lol 🙂

  11. It’s the strangest thing– my landlord and I were just discussing this very thing.

    I am not the least bit interested in football. Not even during the rare times when the Bears are actually Super-Bowl contenders. Goes back to my days in school, when I spent way too much time on the sidelines and missed everything because of football.

    My landlord is of the opinion that at least I should feign interest, try to learn who the players are and watch a few games so I’ll be able to join in the conversation with other guys (yes, I am a bit of an odd-ball). Truth is, few things could interest me less– and the things that DO interest me rarely interest anybody else, so I reckon it all balances out.

  12. College football pays a portion of the bills in my world, so naturally, I should be highly offended and aghast at this post. However, I can’t be. You’re certainly entitled to your opinion and not everyone purchases a television package based solely on how many football games they can watch at one time. Wait, MOST people don’t do that?! Call me an oddball. 😉

    I will submit to you this: college is BY FAR a better product than pro football. My opinion only, however I must admit a bias being married to a college football coach. There’s something about watching a young, nervous 18 year old boy stepping onto the field for the first time and watching him grow and mature into an educated man when he graduates. There is so much more heart in college ball than in pro. I love it because I was raised in a house where sports were on a lot. I played sports growing up. I married a semi pro baseball player turned baseball coach turned college football coach. This profession/sport has given my family numerous opportunities we would not otherwise have, and not just financially (if people knew what low level coaches NOT in Division I programs got paid, nobody would do this job, I promise you that!) My daughters are being raised around a sense of community and family that is virtually impossible to replicate anywhere else. My perspective on this is certainly different than most, but the point of this mini-blog is, yes, I LOVE football. I know more about it than most men I know and I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. If you’re not so into it, man or woman, that’s awesome! If we were all the same, this world would be boring. 🙂


  13. I’m right there with you, buddy. I had much more fun playing Rugby than I ever had playing football, and my enjoyment in watching them falls along the same lines. What I don’t understand about any spectator sport is the level of emotional involvement of the fans. I don’t get it, either. They act as if they are getting a piece of box office.
    My experience in rugby vs football differs a bit. Having seen a broken arm and breaking my ankle playing football, I though that rugby produced fewer serious injuries. I guess this is the part about my mileage varying.

  14. I don’t get football, or most other sports either for that matter. But I did go through a brief phase of extreme Laker fandom many, many moons ago. I had a crush on Kobe Bryant and the guy I regularly watched the games with. It was a win/win situation, lol.

  15. I second that, thank you. “Plus, when did football become America’s pastime? Personally I think it’s only because of all the beer sponsorships and half-naked cheerleaders that propelled it to its current status.

    I’m glad to say baseball is too classy for all that. So wake me up when it’s spring.” 🙂
    (Thanks for stopping by to read my post, instead of heading to the football field!) 😉

  16. Once, while at work, my mother-in-law was hit by a fork lift. She was thrown about 10 feet and broke some bones. She was back at work in a couple of months. Just after she had returned to work, we were at their house for Thanksgiving and the football game was on. One of the players limped from the field, and the mother-in-law said, “Try getting hit with a forklift and then come crying to me.” 🙂 Thanks for the post. It was a good chuckle to start my morning. 🙂

  17. I agree. The outcomes of last year’s football games are of no interest this year, and the outcomes of this year’s will be of no interest next year. Besides, a football is too similar in size and shape to a prairie dog, and that makes me nervous.

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