Marriage: A Beginning, Not An End

funny-marriageIt seems marriage has become the topic of ridicule and mockery. The prestige and honor of marriage has been replaced by the glamor and dazzle of bachelorhood and promiscuity. Not that this is anything new.

But honestly, when is the last time you’ve heard a good word spoken about marriage? When is the last time you’ve spoken honorably about your spouse?

Think about it. We spend the whole first part of our lives searching for our significant other – someone to spend the rest of our lives with. And then, when we find that person, we grow tired, and spend our time wanting out.

(The Man in the Box is a great book for those who feel this way.)

I, myself, often forget that marriage takes work. I take for granted that I don’t have to stress over who I’m going to take out on Friday night (not that that was often), or figure out some clever way to score a girl’s phone number (I got numbers to Bill’s Plumbing and Domino’s quite often).

Then I met Sarabeth. I achieved the Big Yes. When I said “I do,” I was 25.

If I live to be a hundred, I’ve still got 75% of my life to live.

We get this idea in our heads that marriage is the end-all goal, when in fact, things are just beginning!

I love Disney movies. But they repeatedly got one thing wrong with their classic princess movies:

Marriage is once upon a time. Not happily ever after.

Happily ever after is years of commitment and devotion and love in the wake of an elderly couple still holding hands … not the first kiss after slaying the dragon.

The dragon invades our marriages in the form of finances, late oil checks, dirty diapers, dirty kitchens, morning breath, unseemly hair, burnt food, the Hallmark channel, etc.

So, a reminder to married people and to myself: let’s begin to treat marriage as the midst of a journey we’re trekking through, each bounding toward a certain goal, warding off the dragons together.IMG_1180

To those of you not yet married, start ingraining it into your heads that marriage is the start of a new life, not some early retirement.

I’m thankful to be married to my wife. Her corrections sometimes sting, and my attitude toward her often needs to be checked. But with her help, I am growing and learning, and without a doubt, I am a much better person today because of her than I was eight or ten years ago. (I dress better, too!)

And no matter what, I know she loves me, and I love her, and we never have to worry about who we’re going to spend Friday night with.

I only share the best on my new Author Facebook Page.

Published by Andrew Toy

Writer when I'm not being a husband or dad. So mostly just a husband and dad.

55 thoughts on “Marriage: A Beginning, Not An End

  1. Nice! Me and my husband is now on our 1st year of marriage.. And its such a hell whats going on around us!!! I think things still didnt sink in!!! And feels like doomsday!!! I dont know what to do! Help pls!

      1. Hope i can still hang on.. Im so into the thought of me as an independent women and all i can ever think of is that I CAN MANAGE LIFE WITHOUT HIM..

            1. There seems to be some doubt there. Have you both been to see a marriage counselor? There’s no shame in it. My wife and I have gone, as well as virtually everyone else we know. I think it needs to be required at least every three years in a marriage, to be honest.

              1. But i think there’s no such thing lole that in our country..maybe it has but not that in demand.. But really thank u so much for you replays! Godbless with ur marriage! 🙂 inspire more!

  2. I believe in love-if two people love one another marriage is not so much needed. I see “marriage” as 2 things-the marriage you’re talking about, the one that needs constant work and the other meaning which is too institutional-giving privileges such as hospitals visitations and so on. If I ever decide to marry someone, I’d put as much as effort as I’d put in a relationship because a ring on my finger won’t change the way I feel towards the person I decide to spend my life with.

    Thank for the post and I wish lots of happiness & health to your wife and you 🙂

  3. Being married takes a lot of work but I wouldn’t want to go through life any other way. You’ve said it so well. We’ve been married 42 years and it’s still an adventure.

  4. Thanks for the reminder! I definitely feel like a boring old wife compared to my single mid-thirties girls on Tinder.
    I love my husband, and I’ve loved watching him change and grow over the last 15 years. Marriage is a privilege and worth the fight:)

  5. I married into a family full of strong marriages, so I hear good words spoken about marriage all the time. Also, my husband and I both speak honorably about our spouse daily. We’ve only been married for sixteen months, but I don’t foresee that changing in the future because we are deeply committed to treating each other lovingly and respectfully. I agree, though, that marriage is more “once upon a time” than “happily ever after.” I feel like my life actually started when I married my husband. Prior to that, I was successful, independent, career-oriented, lonely, and emotionally unfulfilled.

  6. You said it true 🙂 Appreciation for each other disappears like the innocence in the eyes of a child when it reaches adulthood ,after marraige . I shall definitley ingrain your words for future 🙂 Thank you

  7. Very well said, and especially at a time of the year when “ROMANCE IS IN THE AIR”. We are on our 47th year and we have come through good times and bad times, as have lots of our family and friends. When one goes into marriage ‘until death do us part’, it takes a lot of building skills to keep it going. Always appreciate what you have. Thanks for the blog.

    1. That’s so sad! Trick is, you’ve got to make it fun, and as you grow older, you’ll learn that fun is actually a lot of work!

  8. Andrew once again you seem wise beyond your age. Laure and I have been married going on 12 years and I’m still glad we got married. I will admit year four and five were major stressful years but that is what you do when you are committed to making it work. Saying “I do” means “I WILL CONTINUE” not “I did or I tried”

    1. I may seem wise beyond my years only because my writing is much better than my living, only because I can edit it over and over until it sounds just right. Not so with life!

  9. i truly love this. i am not married, but have been in a great relationship for almost 6 years. i can relate to your post 100%. we’ve had our times, but what kind of adventure would be if we had a stepford kind of relationship? besides a raised toilet top and grandma undies keeps things exciting.

  10. I don’t think anybody on either side of the argument will ever be happy. I’m single and have been my whole life and it sucks because people who aren’t are always making me feel bad about it. It’s not being single that’s the problem it’s everyone not being okay with you being single. Like I’m some emotional cripple incapable of love. I’d just like people to see that being singe, independent and successful doesn’t immediately mean you’re lonely and unfulfilled.

  11. You are a very lucky man. I was very happily married for 37 years before the Lord took her home too early. Most people don’t realize that you have to work at your marriage, You maintain your car, don’t you ? You change the oil, right? Every once in awhile, my wife and I would have a “state of the union” talk. I would ask her “Are we ok ? Anything bothering you? Are you happy?” and we would COMMUNICATE our thoughts about the matter. I miss her every day. Again, you are a lucky man, indeed.

  12. Thanks for the article. I absolutely love being married. It was the best decision of my life. There is no one I would rather spend time with than my wife. I think a lot of it is attitude if you think your marriage is great, then it will be.
    That or the Lord just blessed me with the greatest gift of a wife ever.

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