Man trapped in snowed-in car for two months now awake, says hospitalSo there I am, lying on my back on the kitchen floor, out of breath, hands frozen numb. My wife’s feelings are hurt, my dog’s locked up, and the baby’s crying. And I just kept thinking one word: Defeat. 

As I’m sure you’ve all heard on the news, Kentucky’s just been hit with a really bad snow storm. We woke up yesterday morning to almost a foot of snow, which was really quite awful because we just had a snowstorm and the rain just washed it all away the day before. I mean, I had my shorts picked out and everything.

So we woke up to about ten-inches of snow, and luckily it was already my day off, because I think I’ve used up all my personal time already (thanks, snow). And just like normal, I take the dogs out to go potty.

The dogs have been really good about not going potty inside on the carpet, which led me to stupidly trust that Pixie just might not have needed to go number 2 in the snow.

Big mistake.

We’re all back inside, the baby’s awake, Sarabeth’s in the bedroom and I’m in the kitchen putting away last night’s dishes. And then I hear Sarabeth yell from the living room, “Andy! Come here! Run!”

When I get to the living room, I saw (and smell) feces smeared everywhere. On the curtains, the carpet…the baby (I’m still learning that when it’s too quiet, that’s actually not a good thing).

Sarabeth quickly ran the baby to the bathroom for a bath while I pulled out all the cleaning supplies in our house and got to work. “I’m going to have to rent a carpet cleaner,” I told Sarabeth when she finished washing the baby. “I’ll just clean the living room.”

“If we’re going to spend $50 on a carpet cleaner, we might as well clean the whole house,” she said, logically.

Even though she was right, I was infuriated at the prospect of having my whole day shot to clean the entire house. If you’ve ever used a carpet cleaner before, you know how slow those things are!

And, like the gentle, loving husband I like to think I am, I yelled at her that I didn’t want to waste the whole day cleaning the carpet, and I stormed out of the house to rent the stupid thing from Home Depot.

But my feet were instantly stuck in the driveway. So I had to spend fifteen minutes shoveling the foot-thick snow from the door to my car. I dropped my keys in an effort to pry the frozen car door open and had to dig in the snow for them. (I’d been telling myself to get a pair of snow boots and gloves for so many years, but never took my own advice.)

When I finally found the keys and got the car door open, I realized I was utterly and completely out of breath and my hands were completely frozen to the point that they were so red they could have guided Santa’s sleigh.

Seeing stars, I dragged myself back to the front door and, not having the use of my hands, tapped the door with my elbow. Sarabeth was kind enough to let me back in so I could let my hands warm up under the kitchen sink. But my legs were giving out, so I had no choice but to lay down and catch my breath on the kitchen floor.

Turns out, Sarabeth had the brilliant idea of covering the living room with a giant blanket, as she knew I wouldn’t be able to drive all the way to Home Depot in that weather.

Moral of the story? Make your dogs go outside, no matter how cold it is. And don’t ever yell at your wife; she might not let you in from the cold.

I’m just lucky I married the right woman.

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Published by Andrew Toy

Writer when I'm not being a husband or dad. So mostly just a husband and dad.

52 thoughts on “Defeated

  1. I’m so sorry but I couldn’t help but laugh at your expense. But don’t worry…my husband was yelling at me to be compassionate and understanding. He knows how you feel. We have 2 dogs and 3 cats (one of them an indoor/outdoor cat) that always want to hit the outdoors and we were just bombarded with almost a foot of snow here in the Northeast. So we get it. Don’t have a toddler running around but with this many animals, it sure feels like we do. And when they are quiet, you know they are up to something. 😀

  2. Thank God for my loving wife and the crap she puts up with. We don’t have cats or dogs, I’m referring to my habits. 22 years of marriage and before that 5 years of “courting.” When I get in a temper it’s not pretty. It hasn’t happened in a little while but when it does I always regret it later. Thank you for sharing, it was like looking in a mirror. It seems like there are always things that have to be done, that take away from the time we thought we were going to have. We’re better off after enduring and just gutting through it, but I always lament the process and what to me seemed like a necessary expense of time that should have been avoided. Glad you are all right and digging out from all the snow. I’m glad you have a great wife who loves you. Kudos to her.

  3. Everything happens for a reason. Even if the reason is to learn that babies & access to poop don’t mix 🙂 We’ve all been there! Thanks for making me laugh…TGIF!!!

  4. Did you finally go buy yourself a pair of gloves and boots after this? Haha.

    I liked the comment about your red hands guiding Santa’s sleigh. Clever.

  5. Now that I think about it, maybe the lesson is poop happens! You are now in my head, congratulations. Can’t stop imagining “The Scene”. Ha ha ha.

  6. I am so sorry for your very bad no good rotten day. We in New England can certainly sympathize with your pain. There have been days when my dogs absolutely refuse to go outside. I have found sequestering them in the bathtub is almost essential to save my carpets (and my bed but that is another really gross story). Yeah bathtubs at least clean up nicely with Clorox. Di you know you cannot Clorox linoleum? Who knew?

  7. This tale left me laughing, and I mean no disrespect. Those kind of days feel beyond frustrating! Thankfully, your wife let you back in, unless youre typing from a snowbank, and you lived to tell the tale. Hang in there. Think of your New England readers, buried under many feet of snow. LOL

  8. Just wait until baby is potty training (or close to that point) and smears THAT mess all over the bathroom. On the plus side, if that ever happens there will probably be less carpet involved. I’m sorry to hear your day off was so exhausting. You are a lucky man, I’m not sure I would have opened that door…well I would have taken my sweet time anyways. 🙂

  9. What a funny blog, like the other comments, not meant to make fun of you. But what a picture of life! I sure understand about the snow. I live in Northern Kentucky and we caught that storm. However, the rain never washed the snow away. It just piled on top of what was left from the storm before it!
    By the way, would you have worn those shorts if it hadn’t snowed?

  10. The moment you feel bad because reading and laughing about someone else’s crappy day gives you the first moment of laughter during your crappy day. Thanks Andrew for sharing your day and also for being the type of man who appreciates his wife.

  11. Sympathy. We’ve been going through the same thing in NC, but without the baby. Yes, it’s worth taking the dogs outside, though it’s been so slippery I’ve been tempted not to.

  12. Oh my! I don’t mean to laugh at your expense, but frankly I can’t help it. That is just too funny…and gross…and funny. I’m sorry your day was so poopy! That was defeat, at its’ best. 😉

  13. Great story, and although you were frustrated at the time I was laughing as I was reading because as a Michigander some of it rings true from experience and because your story read like something you would see in a comedy movie.

    1. Dear Andrew:

      We have been repenting our foul language today, as it is Sunday, and we should have had it done before the Sabbath. My Rabbifreak friend Nolan taught me about the name, and how it is worse to say this than that other word and it variants. We should not do this in the presence of certain others, but as in the movie Grand Torino, it is explained that that’s how men talk when they work. So we need solitude to work, and could use a vow of silence, if we do not learn how to use our mouths.

      I also try to cure my swearing by thinking about the meaning of the words I am saying, to shame myself. I am calling all the powers of heaven to sent this one muffler bolt to hell to burn for eternity because it did not turn when I did one thing that might turn it? Right! The Big Cheese is sure to hurry over to help me!

      It took me twenty years to learn this, and I was maybe forty before I learned to step back, instead of bashing ahead, when I am frustrated. One must accept that the thing has more steps, and will take more time than one wanted or even needed it to. Twenty years to learn to turn the vacuum off when I move it, and untangle the hose and cord. Twenty years too to learn to clean up messes:

      Think about the matter, and what one is doing. First, the bulk, with a dustpan and flushable paper. Then dry paper, wet, then dry, drawing the stuff out, then flushing the spot, and drawing it out again. Finally, soap-draw out-rinse.

      Paint spills are similar: move the stuff to its own center, rather than smearing it about. Get the bulk first, then dry-wet-dry.

  14. Two quick additions to above note: 1) That is why we should not work on Sunday!
    2. When I used to live with a three year old in the house, I would fine myself and put money into a college fund (to reverse any damage done), more depending on the severity of the infraction.

  15. andrew: I really like this personal story of yours. also, sorry about the snow; but the plants are suffering from a bad drought here in California. I like the elements of the story; and the overcoming; of course, with your wife’s help. Nice details! Hope the house got Clean enough!

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