Why Every Movie Theater Needs A Storm Trooper


While the highly anticipated new Star Wars installment is preparing its thrusters to hit every movie theater in America in a couple of weeks, I think, and I hope, movie theaters are taking proper precautions.

(Disclaimer: I knew it was a mistake releasing Star Wars merchandise as early as they did, and not surprisingly, Black Friday sales suffered drastically this year. Just saying.)

In the same way Columbine set off a trend of school shootings, I think we  recall that fateful morning we all woke up to the news that a new trend had begun: Deadly shootings erupted in a midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises. Because of that, movie theaters are now no longer safe.

Not to mention, big events are being targeted as supple killing grounds for murderers. Star Wars isn’t just a huge movie, it’s also a major worldwide event. I just hope some sadist isn’t sitting in a dark room polishing his machine gun with a big red circle around December 18 on his calendar.

From a killer’s perspective, it’s the perfect way to corner unarmed victims: a packed and dark room with no more than two exits. Bingo. Bam! Bam! End of story.

Sure, I’m excited about Star Wars: The Force Awakens, but I dread what sort of evil plots might be in the works. I think about all the 30-some-old parents taking their kids to see the Millennium Falcon soar into light speed on the big screen, and I hope everyone walks out alive (and cheering like mad because it’s the greatest Star Wars film since The Empire Strikes Back).

I think movie theaters should post Storm Troopers outside of each Star Wars showing. Okay, even if they’re not in galactic uniform, at least armed security guards, or undercover police. (Still, the Storm Trooper thing could be super cool.)

It might be argued that theaters can’t afford the extra cost, so then I issue a challenge to LucasFilms and Disney.

What if, with the exuberant amount of pre-sale tickets, they shelved over a small percentage to each major movie theater franchise to help fund the cost of extra security at least for the 18th of December.

That way, everyone can go home that night dreaming of Wookies and wake up a week later to find light sabers under the tree. We don’t need another Batman incident, and we certainly don’t need another Sandy Hook where children die just short of Christmas because of some sick freak.

Share this on your social media sites if you think the studios and theaters should partner up in taking extra precautions for their audiences.

And may the force be with us all.

(Sorry for the cliche sign-off, but it’s to be expected, so…)

Published by Andrew Toy

Writer when I'm not being a husband or dad. So mostly just a husband and dad.

3 thoughts on “Why Every Movie Theater Needs A Storm Trooper

  1. Given recent events it would seem possible to me that theatres could potentially be held liable for not having armed security. Can metal detectors at entrances be far behind?

  2. Given recent events I wonder if theater owners could be held liable if they failed to provide security? Good metal detectors be far behind? After all we do see security at baseball stadiums.

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