After flooding the kitchen with my shit-bag plumbing skills, our family was thrown into an uproar of instability.
The voice of sanity that I’ve long ago buried under decades of pride and stupidity was screaming out to me to just call a plumber when the dishes stopped drying in the dishwasher.
But nooooo. I had to figure it out myself. And if you’re a dummy like me, you know how the rest of the story goes. After several needless trips to Home Depot and spending more on parts than you would have on a plumber, next thing you know you’re trying to contain the firehose – I mean dishwasher hose – while yelling at your wife to shut off the valve that you yourself failed to shut off. (I swear, I turned both valves right, but apparently one of them was installed backwards.) Luckily the kids know how to swim so they were able to bring us some towels, but they ultimately did no good.
My wife and kids moved down to Florida for a few weeks to stay with her parents while I stayed behind and dealt with insurance people, adjustors, repairmen, and tried to keep myself fed with an inoperable kitchen.
We’d been wanting to replace our floors ever since we moved in eleven years ago, but I was always too lazy to do it. So now was the perfect time to do it since the kitchen floors were all torn up.
After nearly a mont and a half, the family’s moved back in, and we’re all walking barefoot on luxury vinyl flooring across our entire house. Up until yesterday, it’s just been a nightmare from start to finish.
But the big takeaway that my wife pointed out to me, is that we didn’t fight with each other. Hell, even the kids were mostly really well behaved through all of the chaos.
And as soon as everything was settled back down yesterday and we were able to relax on the couch for the first time in over a month, I cracked some seemingly innocent joke about lent.
I said, “Well, I gave up my dirty carpets for lent. What have you guys given up?”
My wife didn’t take to the joke very well because I don’t share her religious views, and we had our first argument in a long time. Don’t worry, we’ve reconciled.
But here’s what I’m getting at: Our country works the same way, doesn’t it? We rallied together during the Oklahoma City bombing and 9/11. We mourn together during each nationally broadcast school shooting. But in times of peace we fight over bathroom signs and our biggest concern is whether to read Dr. Seuss to our kids or not.
I forget where I heard it, but someone was interviewing a dominatrix and she was asked about the demographic of her clientele. She said it’s mostly rich, white businessmen who have financially scaled the mountain and have nothing else to do with their lives. They pay to be dressed up as baby girls, bonnets and all, in order to be spanked by women dressed up as slave laborers or Catwoman. The point here? Everyone needs a struggle. Everyone needs to be in submission to something.
Guys who are struggling to make it and are getting their asses kicked by life already don’t have the time or desire to dress up like little girls and told to go sit on timeout.
People don’t even need to be financially secure to chase these wild fantasies. People can just be complacent. Hence, many seek struggles through video games, others through gender identity, and so on.
And so while there are bigger issues going on in the world – people are being worked to death and starved in other countries, here we are in our little Disneyland of a nation complaining that someone didn’t throw their Snickers wrapper in the clean trash can. Or that it’s only Mickey Mouse on the bathroom sign and not Mickey, Minnie, and Pluto with a bow on his head.
Did you know that Disneyland is structured in such a way that it is virtually impossible to see anything from the outside while you’re in the park? So when I make the comparison to America being like Disneyland, I do mean in that utopian sort of way.
This all wouldn’t be so bad if the government weren’t also going along with this – or leading it? I’m not talking red or blue, donkey or elephant, right or left. I’m talking government in general.
I guess that’s a train of thought for another post. Let me know your thoughts on what I’ve discussed down below if you’d like to read more.